GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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