I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
