just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize