We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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