he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
