i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
