Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
