It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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