He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
