once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize