We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
