just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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