Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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