rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Randomize
