Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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