Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm just crazy horny about you
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
