we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
