just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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