so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
