we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
