Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
