You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
