what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
