I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize