Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
