Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
