I will die if light touches me.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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