The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
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