I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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