Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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