Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize