I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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