I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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