That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize