I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Small penises have feelings too.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
