Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
