a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
