she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
