Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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