A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
