Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
