So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
