I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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