That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
