The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
