I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
