You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
