I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
