Do you still have your period?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
