Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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