you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
