youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
