If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
