clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I came so hard my ears popped.
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