Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
