Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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