You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
