Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
