dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
