Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
