when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just cut my nipple shaving
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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