can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
