eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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