I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
