I accidentally had phone sex last night
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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