I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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