Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
